First, the show skipped the one thing about the first episode of every season that makes it worth a watch, the auditions. It's just great to see the absolute ridiculousness of the contestants as they squeal over the judges. The producers, instead played a cruel practical joke on the girls. They did the typical "if you see your picture, you're in" schpiel. 14 girls did not see their picture and were led believe they were going home right when they had started. The girls went to collect their bags when Tyra came to surprise with the news that they were actually the 14 finalists. This isn't cruel so much towards the girls who made it, but towards those who were led to believe they were in, only to actually be the ones going home. They didn't show these girls after the first five minutes, so we will never know their reactions or which one killed Tyra.
The girls then got into their loft and already you can tell who the bitches are going to be. One girl thinks she already knows it all (Molly or Nicole or Alexandria, IDK...all the blondes look the same) and another is named Dominique. And, of course, every girl on ANTM named Dominique turns out to be a huge bitch.
It was then time for the first runway/photo shoot. The girls were introduced to model Erin Wasson, photographer Russell James and told they would be walking in Alexander Wang. While all the girls squealed in delight, I'm almost certain that only about half of them knew who any of these people were.
Of course, in order to make this runway more ridiculous (somehow) than those in past seasons, which have included being suspended 50 feet over ground; the "models" were going to be walking on a twelve inch-wide platform...over a pool...inside of a bubble. I don't need to tell you how this ended. The photo shoot itself simply consisted of "candid" backstage shots before the runway.
Then came the portion of the show where I spend the most time yelling at my TV...mostly at Tyra. Here are my issues in handy bullet form:
- She showed up in a t-shirt with judge André Leon Talley's face on it and said she was paying homage to fashion greatness. An ugly t-shirt is not a proper homage. A fabulous dress...is.
- She refused to refer to the plus-sized girl as plus-sized...kept calling her "fiercely real." She needs to stop making up phrases, it's not cute or interesting.
- She criticized one of the girls for not being visible in her photograph. The judges chose the picture and picked the one shot from 20 feet away, blocked by other items and blurry. Don't criticize the girl for that.
- Already noted that one of the girls (Dominique, BTW) is a little lacking in personality and plans to give her a make-over that will out her fiery side. So...she's getting red hair, probably. Nothing wrong with red hair except that this girl is black and has freckles...black Pippi Longstocking, perhaps?
- Can they say anything else about the first girl going home other than "she's pretty, but can she model?" Seriously, drop it.